Update

It has been quite some time since I last posted anything here. I sometimes think I've lost my gift for writing down my thoughts. A lot has happened since my last post in February.


The biggest thing that happened since then was my graduation. Yes, I finally graduated from Columbia College after 5 years of ups and downs. I received a Bachelor's Degree in General Studies, with minors in Psychology and Biology. My GPA was not very good (2.38, I think), but I still graduated. For me, that was enough of a victory. There were a few times that I was not sure if I would ever graduate, or even if I would survive to make it to graduation. But I did and now I can work on doing what I really want to do in life.


I have decided that I want to return to school to take a few more undergraduate psychology courses. I have not yet decided if I want to pursue a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology or simply add more courses to the degree I already received. I will have to talk to someone who knows what they're doing before I make any final decisions. My eventual goal is to attend Graduate school to receive a Master's Degree in Counseling and also become an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor, I believe). I have not totally decided the specific field in which I want to work, but I am pretty certain I want to work with adolescents or young adults.


I am currently (still) looking for a full-time job (I'd actually be happy with a part-time job at this point, however). I have applied for a few jobs as a nanny, but none of them panned out. The one I thought was by best hope ended up being not as great as I had thought. They were not willing to pay what I consider a fair amount for a full-time nanny who comes to their house. I just have to hope and pray that I can find something that won't wear me down.

KONY 2012

Journey to the Cross

As you live your life, know that God’s hope for you is not about success, but about making choices that bring you closer to being the person God intends you to be. Whether it is baptism, treating others with kindness, or sacrificing your own time in order to serve others, know that as you do so, God is well pleased.

Bruce Reyes-Chow

http://www.d365.org/journeytothecross/

When You Say Nothing At All

My best friend is now Mrs. Jessica Lynn Hoover. :)

Jessie & Evan got married on Saturday, February 18th, 2012. It was a beautiful wedding. I cried, of course. But they were happy tears. Just being around them, you can feel the love they have for each other. Looking at the photos I took at the reception, the love is obvious. I wish them all the happiness in the world. I just pray that I, too, can one day find what they've found. I did so much smiling that day that my cheeks hurt at one point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2El6y-9qMoU

A Letter from Heaven

This poem was posted on the wall for Ryann Schmidt, Columbia College's Area Coordinator who passed away in 2009. It touched me:


To my dearest family: some things I'd like to say.

But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.

Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you.

"It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly, you are part of my plan.

There is so much that we can do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to you in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years.

Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.

I'm closer to you now than I ever was before.

There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too;

That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain;

Then you can say to God at night...."My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile.

Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile."

So if you meet somebody who is sad and low;

Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go...from that body to be free.

Remember you're not going...you're coming here with me.

--Author Unknown

"Never Alone" - Lady Antebellum

Lady Antebellum has so many songs that just speak to me. I'm pretty sure that was their intent when the songs were written. In this song, I think it was written as one lover/loved one to another, but I kind of see it as God singing to us. The line from the chorus, "I'll be in every beat of your heart / When you face the unknown / Wherever you fly / This isn't goodbye / My love will follow you stay with you / Baby you're never alone" is the line that is the most powerful for me. If it is God speaking, it is Him letting me know that He'll always be with me, when I face the unknown, wherever I fly. His love will always be with me. I am never alone.

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
The glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble,
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone

Chorus: Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

well
I have to be honest
As much as I want it
I'm not gonna promise that the cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Chorus

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Chorus

My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone 

Adios, 2011. Bienvenido, 2012!

Yet another year has come to a close. I can't think of a year when I have been more excited to see it end. 2011 was not a particularly good year, nor one I want to relive. Of course, it had its good moments, but there were a lot of bad ones as well. I learned a lot about myself, but I also unearthed many questions that have yet to be answered. I hope to answer a few of them in the coming year. As usual, I did not make any new year's resolutions. If I don't make any, I don't have to stress myself out when I don't meet the sometimes unrealistic goals I set for myself. The things I hope to accomplish this year are, to me, a given part of growing up. As I end my life as a college student, I will be forced to make some changes in my life. It will no longer be acceptable to live with my parents or to rely on others for rides. I will no longer be able to get by with the little bit of money I make working at the church like I've been doing since I was 17 years old. I am so excited to be at the point in my life where a lot of changes occur. I hope that I will be able to spread my wings and find my little niche in the world. Here's to surviving 2011! And Here's to making 2012 the best year it can be!!

So many things to say...

Where do I begin? So much has been happening all at once. Jessie & Evan's wedding is in less than 2 months.

And not only are Jessie & Evan getting married, Jonathan & Emily are getting married in October & Madison & Jim are getting married in May. Mike & Amanda are also engaged. I'm so happy for them. But at the same time, I'm insanely jealous. As I get older and I see more and more of my friends get involved in serious relationships, get engaged, get married, and have kids, I wonder if that'll ever be me. Or if I'll be the one who stands by, smiling while everyone I know finds true love and happiness, but silently wishing it was me. I'm 23 years old and I've never once had a serious relationship. I'm beginning to wonder what's wrong with me. The only guy who has asked me out since I broke up with Justin almost 2 years ago is Ben. And that's a whole different can of worms that I'm not sure I want to open just yet. I know part of my problem is being stuck in the past, being stuck on what James did to me. I thought I was over that, but I found out I was wrong. I made the realization that I've only been with guys who I know I won't fall in love with because I know that I can't get hurt if I'm not in love. Realizing it is great, but what the hell do I do about it now that I have that knowledge??

On a more positive note, I am going to be graduating on May 5th, 2012!! I have 13 credits left for my degree & minors. I am taking 16 credit hours this coming semester. My schedule is:
MONDAY

08:00am-08:50am Beginning Cardio-Respiratory Fitness I (1st 8 weeks) R. Hamm

MONDAY/WEDNESDAY/FRIDAY
08:00am-08:50am Beginning Cardio-Respiratory Fitness II (2nd 8 weeks) R. Hamm
11:00am-11:50am Women & Gender in European History T. Compton
01:00pm-01:50pm Social Psychology C. Mazurek
02:00pm-02:50pm Topics: Sociology of Gender A. Tabatabai

TUESDAY/THURSDAY
09:30am-10:50am Research Design (Psychology) C. Mazurek
12:30pm-01:50pm Clinical & Counseling Psychology G. Higgs

It'll be a pretty difficult semester, but I think I'm up to the challenge. I just need to force myself to focus and ask for help when I need it, which I've never done. Not procrastinating would probably help, too. At least I won't have to worry about senior-itis, like I did in high school. That's pretty much what this past spring was for me. I ended up with a C, a D, and 3 Fs, with a GPA of 0.8. I did a lot better this semester, with 2 Bs & 2 Cs, which brought my cumulative GPA up to 2.31. Even a 4.0 this semester won't get me up to the 3.0 or higher that I'd need for grad school. That issue had been bugging me for quite some time and I couldn't find a solution at all. But Bonnie came up with a good one. If I get a job at Columbia College after I graduate, I'll be able to take classes (for free) to get my GPA back up. Her solution led me to another plan: going ahead and getting my BA in Psychology since I'm a good part of the way there already. And since I want to go to grad school for counseling of some sort (not sure what yet), a BA in Psychology is almost necessary. I just hope it all works out for the best.

.

There are only 10 days til Christmas. As you finish shopping, wrapping, & decorating, don't forget what this season is really all about

I can't wait til I get to go to grad school, but I have a lot of work to do after graduation before I get there